But It Can Be That Simple ♥

Last night me and the boyfriend split up for what I thought, would be the last time. After all this ranting about it and thinking I knew what was write, I couldn't stop crying. I cried myself to sleep, I cried when I woke up and I continued to cry in school. Surely that's not right?

He came over my house after school. We had decided to stay friends. One thing led to another. We were kissing, hugging. More crying (on both parts.) Now we are back together. It will be better this time though, we had a huge heart-to-heart. I told him everything I didn't like about our relationship and how it's affected my life.

I used to go out on my own, just wandering with my camera and taking pictures. I would spend so much time with my best friends and I was never behind on my school work. In fact, i was normally ahead (nerd I know.) This all changed when I got with him.

I wanted my old life back. But I think (I hope) I can balance my old life and my new life, because I can't do anything without him. I'm not going to see him as often, and he understands. He's not longer going to make me feel guilty about spending time with my friends and time away from him. And when we do spend time together, it won't be at my house all the time. Stop invading my space!

So after the rants I've been having, I found that a break-up wasn't the best thing to do and now I can see my life moving forward.

One problem. My best friend is a self-obsessed, attention-craving Bitch. when my boyfriend went to her with problems, she saw it as her opportunity to try and get on him. I found it weired that he and her were always texting each other since I know what she is like.

We broke up and she was all over him, waiting for him after classes, spending free lessons with him. She was texting him constantly when he was round my house tonight as well. When he said he was back with me she sent him a text telling him to stop messing her around and she really likes him.

She does the same thing every time she gets close to someone. She craves attention, and anyone who gives her some (of any sort) she develops feelings for them. It's a shame she's my best friend. I would have punched her or something by now.

Oh and another downer. I have a huge spot forming at the bottom of my nose. Ew! I can't pop it or anything because of it's awkward position. Life!

There's No Need To Fear ♥

Okay, so me and the boyfriend had the talk. And we're still together. I'm not in love with him anymore but I can't seem to let him go. He kept saying how he still loves me and he doesn't want to dump me, although it might come to that, but he's going to do anything he can to prevent it.

So basically, I couldn't just say "I don't want to be with you anymore." What kind of cruel punishment is that? He would be in bits, he almost started crying when we were talking. So I had to keep reassuring him that I do love him and I do want to be with him.

Problem is, I don't.

How do you break up with someone? Why is it so damn difficult to do. My friends, they've all had multiple break ups so why is it so difficult for those words to come out my mouth.

It was kind of freaky actually. I was out from 3 until quarter to 6 and he stayed by my house and in my house for that whole time waiting for me. Stalker much. He doesn't understand. Even when I said, I have work to do, he continued to take off his jacket. I went downstairs and he had cooked himself some food! Cheeky bastard...

I just don't know what to do next. Maybe I'll see what comes round the corner.

On the bright side, my Dad picked me up from Morrisons and I stopped myself from asking him to take me to the chippy. No tea for me tonight, I hope my weight is down tomorrow. Even by a pound. That would bring a little bit of happiness into my dire life at the moment (:

You'll Make It On Your Own ♥

Me and my boyfriend met through my best friend. We got together too early, before we really knew each other and that ended early. But we tried again. At the start we were happy. Blinded by love I guess. We spent every minute we could with each other and I never stopped talking about him. Literally, every day I would catch the train to Barry Island to meet him. He is my first proper boyfriend and the one I lost my virginity too.

It's been eight months now, and things are a little different.

He lived with my for a long time during the Summer. I think that's when the problems started to happen. Until then we had never argued, not a cursed word about the other had passed out lips. But suddenly he was invading my space and I had no room to breath. I lost contact with my friends, they stopped inviting me out and they moved on. Without me. I was really unhappy.

The argument started. He moved out but continued to stay over my house many times a week. The arguments just continued and it never got better. We started to see less and less of each other but still the arguments continue. I barely see him now, only in school but every time we're with each other the atmosphere turns sour.

Some relationships just naturally come to a close.

I know it can't continue like this, we have tried to make it work. My selfish nature is keeping him hopping along beside me. I simply don't want him to be with anyone else. He is the one I lost the most precious thing to and I won't be able to handle it if anyone else has him. He's mine.

He text me. Thinks we need to 'talk.' Maybe he'll do the dumping for me, so I can pin my upset and blame him. Of course, that's selfish. I don't want to let him go but we are both unhappy in this relationship and It's not going to work. I'm going to meet him later and this time, i won't ask for another chance. This relationship has run it's course and it's time for closure.

It was Lust. Not Love.

Part of me knows the need to let go. The other part wants to keep holding on to the little that remains. I keep thinking, I'll be alone for Christmas. What about the Paramore concert that we're supposed to be going together to? I don't want to be alone during the Summer. I need someone to love me.

But this. It can't be love. Love is an eternal emotion, not something that you can easily let go off. If this is love, what have we got to look forward to? Turmoil? Upset? Disaster? We are just two separate people, joined together and it's not making us happy like it used to.

We can still remain friends can't we. I never want to forget, he has been a huge part of my life. No, don't forget. Cherish the memories. We're not meant to be together and I'll find someone new soon enough. Or maybe later in life, when I have matured and know what Love means.

Love is such an important emotion but yet the words are tossed around as if they are nothing.

Be brave. You can get through this. Take baby steps.

"You say, You've got to live alone. Though it hurts, You'll make it on your own."