Thursday, 15 April 2010

Train Wreck

Went over the boyf's house last night, I get the sneaky feeling he's only after the one thing "/ And I'm seeing "Gary" later today. I've already decided to tell him though that nothing is gonna happen between us, (despite the fact I really like him.) I'm going to make things work with the boyf despite him being obbsessed with his friends and only having time for me when it means laying in bed...

So once again I skipped school yesterday, skipping again today so I can go visit Gary. The bestie clearly isn't happy and refused to give me a lift to his, so train it is lol.

I can't seem to stop munching... I did fine yesterday up until I came home from the boys about 4 this morning and had crisps and chocolate. In fairness I was hungry but why junk? Grrr. Will try and do better today, hopefully will be having too much fun to think about food :) xx

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Major update :)

Okay so the last post was basically a lie. I didn't come back at all did I? That was an utter fail. I'm trying again now though, 2 months later. Here's an update...

Me and R were really happy, he was sweet and kind. Problem was we never went out we always stayed in either over his or over mine. Plus he was younger than me, and shorter so I was getting stick of my friends and work friends. Even my dad was laughing. Everyone said it wouldn't last because they thought I was downgrading myself. Eventually I realised they were right, I wasn't really interested in him and the reason I went with him was because he was making the moves and was interested in me. Since I hadn't had much action for a few months guy-wise I thought I couldn't do better.

But then someone else started flirting with me (Lets call him Dave.) Dave worked with me as well, he had a gorgeous body, was cocky and confident, the complete opposite to R. Dave first took me out, took me for food, drinks and the cinema. He made me feel like an adult, I was getting served in places and he was buying me drinks. It felt amazing as he offered to pay for everything. At first I ignored the moves he was making, because of R. But I was falling for Dave and soon I couldn't stop myself. I stayed over his a few times and after one drunken evening down the pub, we almost had sex. Almost.

I remember the one morning he came out the shower and came back into the bedroom in nothing but a towel. Of course I stared. Then after drinking I told him how gorgeous he was and that then he was like, yeah I came back in, in just a towel on purpose. At the time I was excited and happy, now I realise he was completely up himself and I was just feeding his love for himself.

I broke up with R within the next few days because it wasn't fair. I meant to do it a lot sooner, I just couldn't bring myself to it because he was really into me. But as soon as R was out the picture, Dave started acting really off with me, ignoring texts and the offers to go out stopped. One day I just broke down into tears because I realised what had happened. People had warned me he was a cock, a wanker, out for the chase but once he had me he wasn't interested. I was truly gutted because I had fallen for him.

It took me a while to get over him and before I had, the bestie started flirting with him, claiming that he liked her and she wanted to warn me before they got together. Turns out she was doing all the chasing (as usual with the people she goes with) and he wasn't interested at all. In fact, he was moaning that she was annoying with all the constant texts he was getting from her. Although harsh on the best friend, I was happy because I knew she didn't have a chance with him.

This experience turned me into a flirt. One major player. I was flirting with multiple guys, four claimed they had feelings for me but I didn't want to be hurt again. And the list of guys just kept growing. Another guy that the Bestie was flirting with said he liked me, and then the same happened again. She was not happy but I didn't care, I was enjoying the attention. I was loving life, I was always out and never in, even my friends were confused with all the guys names I kept mentioning about who I was going out with that evening. They couldn't keep up.

Then at a house party that I deemed a success because I gained two guys numbers, I started flirting with them. The one I was really interested in seemed a bit boring after a while so I moved on to the other. He was funny and interesting. Kind of a mixture between R and Dave, he had Dave's cockyness and flirtiness without being completely up himself and he could have R's sweetness without the obsessiveness. Not a great looker but he made of for it in personality. I met him a few more times, invited him to a gig, a party then met up with him on his own. Started seeing him. Did everything but sex. He tried but I wasn't gonna go there. Sex is special.

He asked me out then about 2 weeks ago. I was so happy I said yes. Then just before I left for America I had sex with him, because he's not the soppy type like R, I just wanted to remind him I was his and not to see anyone else. When I came back he had changed his fb status to in a relationship. That meant a lot. And last night he said "I'll think of you while your doing work and I'm just sitting watching the telly." I was like yeah yeah.... and he said "I always think of you." That made me happy.

However I'm continuing to be a flirt. The other day I realised I had 8 msn conversations up, everyone was a guy and I was flirting with them all. I've got to stop, I wanna make this work. Right up until I went to America, R was still claiming he loved me. It was really annoying and I eventually endded all contact with him. However being nice I started talking to him again. And when I came back from America I found that he's got a girlfriend. Truly happy for him, until I spoke to his best friend who said that he still says he's in love with me. I've got another problem though.

The bestie introduced me to this guy (I'll call him Gary)and I really really like him. He's told the bestie that he likes me too. He's older again (in his 20's) and he makes me feel really special. However the bestie went mad because she really likes him, but Gary's told her he has no feelings for her. Today they're gone out with two other friends and I was like where's my invitation? And the bestie was like, I want to spend time with him without you. Basically, she doesn't want me and him flirting in her face. But its not fair to deny me seeing him. He asked me out on a date sometime next week. It's defiantly a date because he said I get paid next week so fancy doing something? Alone? And when I said I was skint he said don't worry, he's paying. And I want to make things work with the boyf because I really like him. I'm so confused I don't know what to do so I'm kind of in limbo.

America was amazing, although I thought I could go the whole week without cigarettes and I couldn't. I was in such a ratty mood eventually my friend went and brought me a packet. Oops. But the shopping was amazing and the sight seeing. It just encouraged me even more to want to live there so much.

On top of all this, exams are in a month and a half, I've done no revision and I'm still skipping school. I've been home all day instead of in school. I feel terrible but it's like I'd rather have a life than pass exams and spend another 4 years in uni. I feel like I'm missing out on things that others are doing...

At the moment I weigh 143. I'm going to be losing again now though. I'm back guys. Hopefully for good. I hope your still following me lol although this is probably too long an entry to read. Mainly about guys. Typical me. xxxxxxxx

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

I'm Back

And I'm not going away again. Thank you all so much for your supportive comments on the last post, I love you all :)

I haven't been updating recently because I felt too much like a trator. Me being happy and having the perfect boyfriend, telling me how gorgeous/ beautiful/ stunning I am all the time has led me to be a little... Careless. As a result I have gained a few pounds. Only a few though.

I'm back on the wagon though and I'm going to lose the weight I gained plus more. I'm going to be updating lots more regulary to keep me on track and remind me why I'm doing this. It's not long till the American trip and I don't wanna be buying clothes in size 10 or more. Well, American sizes it would be size 14 or more.

I want to be a minimum of size 8, so I have to put full effort into this. Starting today, Wednesday 3rd Febuary.

Starting weight (Today's weight) 141 pounds.
By Sunday I will be 138 pounds.

I can do this, I've done it before. I'll be catching up on your blogs today as well :) xxx

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

It's Been A While

Yeah this updating thing isn't going well is it? Well anyways I have been very very busy and over the moon happy :)

I'm no longer single and yes I love him. He's the sweetest guy ever!! Last week was good, I got asked out, I had other boys flirting with me which boosted my confidence, I spent time with friends, I met up with people who I haven't seen in ages, I spent time with R <3

Now this week isn't going so well. My internet is playing up, my phone broke and I lost all my contacts, R is being iffy about mine and the besties friendship (we are really close and tell each other everything. Well almost :P But he's used to his privacy and he doesn't like the fact I'm reporting back to her all the time. Fair enough.)

Weight I'm still exactly the same. No Gain. No Loss. This is taking effort. My friends just told me she's trying to drop 2 dress sizes by prom and already im using her as competition. This is good, this is more motivation, it just keeps coming. I'm not eating dinner tonight :O

Loving You Me At Six's new album, it's on permanent repeat!! Will recommend it to anyone - "Hold Me Down" Give it a listen :)

Love you all, I'm going to try and catch up with your blogs now as well :) xxx

Monday, 11 January 2010

Keep Going

New motivation, a friends birthday. Hopefully I can get ID and go to town with them. Theme: slutty fancy dress. Time for some major quick weight loss so I can feel as sexy as the rest of them look. :)

Up To Date

So much for updating regulary, I have been busy though. When I say busy I mean seeing R from work, seriously almost everyday this week when I should have been making the most of no school and revising. We get literally a whole extra week off because of the snow, and yet I have yet to open my psychology folder. I have skipped school today to revise so I'm going to make this quick.

Yes well. Me and R are kind of seeing each other. He doesn't want to go public because his best friend disagrees with us. He thinks its too soon after R split from his ex and the fact his ex still cares about him greatly. R just wants to keep the peace which is fair enough, but in the meantime we're seeing each other secretly.

Everytime he kisses me my heart jolts. Everytime he touches my bare skin my stomach kind of flips. Sounds like cheese but it's true. He says the sweetest things as well, he actually makes me feel good about myself. I love spending all this time with him because when he's with me I feel like I have nothing to worry about.

On the weight side I've started gaining. This always happens when I get into a relationship because I feel so happy. I haven't yet gone back up to 140 pounds though, I'm going to start making a conscious effort again common think motivation.

R is shorter than me and dead skinny meaning he weighs less. I want to sit on his lap without panicing and appologising for my heaviness. I want to be able to feel entirely comfortable with him touching my body. I want to wear better clothes which cling to my body rather than baggy hoodys. I want R to be happy to be seen with me. I want to be happy within my own skin. I want to have a real new york shopping spree.

Now if thats not motivation I don't know what it. Anyways I better hit the books, putting it of is not going to help. Thats one of my new years resolutions. I still haven't posted them on here and its practically the middle of January now. I'll post it later today during a revision break.

Hope your all doing well, I shall catch up on reading your blogs soon no doubt as an excuse not to revise!! Love you all xxx

Wednesday, 6 January 2010