There's No Need To Fear ♥

Okay, so me and the boyfriend had the talk. And we're still together. I'm not in love with him anymore but I can't seem to let him go. He kept saying how he still loves me and he doesn't want to dump me, although it might come to that, but he's going to do anything he can to prevent it.

So basically, I couldn't just say "I don't want to be with you anymore." What kind of cruel punishment is that? He would be in bits, he almost started crying when we were talking. So I had to keep reassuring him that I do love him and I do want to be with him.

Problem is, I don't.

How do you break up with someone? Why is it so damn difficult to do. My friends, they've all had multiple break ups so why is it so difficult for those words to come out my mouth.

It was kind of freaky actually. I was out from 3 until quarter to 6 and he stayed by my house and in my house for that whole time waiting for me. Stalker much. He doesn't understand. Even when I said, I have work to do, he continued to take off his jacket. I went downstairs and he had cooked himself some food! Cheeky bastard...

I just don't know what to do next. Maybe I'll see what comes round the corner.

On the bright side, my Dad picked me up from Morrisons and I stopped myself from asking him to take me to the chippy. No tea for me tonight, I hope my weight is down tomorrow. Even by a pound. That would bring a little bit of happiness into my dire life at the moment (:

You'll Make It On Your Own ♥

Me and my boyfriend met through my best friend. We got together too early, before we really knew each other and that ended early. But we tried again. At the start we were happy. Blinded by love I guess. We spent every minute we could with each other and I never stopped talking about him. Literally, every day I would catch the train to Barry Island to meet him. He is my first proper boyfriend and the one I lost my virginity too.

It's been eight months now, and things are a little different.

He lived with my for a long time during the Summer. I think that's when the problems started to happen. Until then we had never argued, not a cursed word about the other had passed out lips. But suddenly he was invading my space and I had no room to breath. I lost contact with my friends, they stopped inviting me out and they moved on. Without me. I was really unhappy.

The argument started. He moved out but continued to stay over my house many times a week. The arguments just continued and it never got better. We started to see less and less of each other but still the arguments continue. I barely see him now, only in school but every time we're with each other the atmosphere turns sour.

Some relationships just naturally come to a close.

I know it can't continue like this, we have tried to make it work. My selfish nature is keeping him hopping along beside me. I simply don't want him to be with anyone else. He is the one I lost the most precious thing to and I won't be able to handle it if anyone else has him. He's mine.

He text me. Thinks we need to 'talk.' Maybe he'll do the dumping for me, so I can pin my upset and blame him. Of course, that's selfish. I don't want to let him go but we are both unhappy in this relationship and It's not going to work. I'm going to meet him later and this time, i won't ask for another chance. This relationship has run it's course and it's time for closure.

It was Lust. Not Love.

Part of me knows the need to let go. The other part wants to keep holding on to the little that remains. I keep thinking, I'll be alone for Christmas. What about the Paramore concert that we're supposed to be going together to? I don't want to be alone during the Summer. I need someone to love me.

But this. It can't be love. Love is an eternal emotion, not something that you can easily let go off. If this is love, what have we got to look forward to? Turmoil? Upset? Disaster? We are just two separate people, joined together and it's not making us happy like it used to.

We can still remain friends can't we. I never want to forget, he has been a huge part of my life. No, don't forget. Cherish the memories. We're not meant to be together and I'll find someone new soon enough. Or maybe later in life, when I have matured and know what Love means.

Love is such an important emotion but yet the words are tossed around as if they are nothing.

Be brave. You can get through this. Take baby steps.

"You say, You've got to live alone. Though it hurts, You'll make it on your own."