I Wanna Smell Like Roses ♥

Well, that changed. Me and him are no longer together. This is the last break up. There is no way in hell I'm going to go back to him, he showed his true colours.

We had an argument and it was clear that I didn't want to talk to him. So he followed me home and my mum let him in. He of course came into my room and refused to leave. He followed me downstairs and continued to bitch to my mother about me when I went upstairs. He then forced his way into my room and started preaching at me. As I was trying to get him out he pushed me back onto my bed and stormed out.

I hate him.

Seriously though. Why did I let myself get back into that situation? Why wouldn't it just be left after we broke up before. It's only been 2 days and we're back to square one.

What really annoys me though is that when we were going out he would bitch about me to my friends, turning them against me, He did this to E and the best friend at one point and as a result, I no longer speak to E. He is the reason we drifted apart.

I hate him.

He promised he'd do the same thing now I've split up with him. at least if he goes to some of my other friends, they know the true story from my side. Problem is I'm a very private person so any problems, I normally keep to myself letting them build up and up.

Eight and a half months over, just like that. And as a result I relapsed and phoned my Dad to take me to the Chip shop. Luckily, he was busy working and already had dinner. Now this has happened it's going to take extra work keeping my weight down. I was 141 pounds this morning. That is an amazing achievement.

I hate him.

This blog at the moment has all been about him basically. Well now he's out of my life, things are going to change. He is no longer going to affect me. Goodbye boyfriend, hello old friends and hobbies. He Can't get in my way now.

I'm not going to let him...

But It Can Be That Simple ♥

Last night me and the boyfriend split up for what I thought, would be the last time. After all this ranting about it and thinking I knew what was write, I couldn't stop crying. I cried myself to sleep, I cried when I woke up and I continued to cry in school. Surely that's not right?

He came over my house after school. We had decided to stay friends. One thing led to another. We were kissing, hugging. More crying (on both parts.) Now we are back together. It will be better this time though, we had a huge heart-to-heart. I told him everything I didn't like about our relationship and how it's affected my life.

I used to go out on my own, just wandering with my camera and taking pictures. I would spend so much time with my best friends and I was never behind on my school work. In fact, i was normally ahead (nerd I know.) This all changed when I got with him.

I wanted my old life back. But I think (I hope) I can balance my old life and my new life, because I can't do anything without him. I'm not going to see him as often, and he understands. He's not longer going to make me feel guilty about spending time with my friends and time away from him. And when we do spend time together, it won't be at my house all the time. Stop invading my space!

So after the rants I've been having, I found that a break-up wasn't the best thing to do and now I can see my life moving forward.

One problem. My best friend is a self-obsessed, attention-craving Bitch. when my boyfriend went to her with problems, she saw it as her opportunity to try and get on him. I found it weired that he and her were always texting each other since I know what she is like.

We broke up and she was all over him, waiting for him after classes, spending free lessons with him. She was texting him constantly when he was round my house tonight as well. When he said he was back with me she sent him a text telling him to stop messing her around and she really likes him.

She does the same thing every time she gets close to someone. She craves attention, and anyone who gives her some (of any sort) she develops feelings for them. It's a shame she's my best friend. I would have punched her or something by now.

Oh and another downer. I have a huge spot forming at the bottom of my nose. Ew! I can't pop it or anything because of it's awkward position. Life!

There's No Need To Fear ♥

Okay, so me and the boyfriend had the talk. And we're still together. I'm not in love with him anymore but I can't seem to let him go. He kept saying how he still loves me and he doesn't want to dump me, although it might come to that, but he's going to do anything he can to prevent it.

So basically, I couldn't just say "I don't want to be with you anymore." What kind of cruel punishment is that? He would be in bits, he almost started crying when we were talking. So I had to keep reassuring him that I do love him and I do want to be with him.

Problem is, I don't.

How do you break up with someone? Why is it so damn difficult to do. My friends, they've all had multiple break ups so why is it so difficult for those words to come out my mouth.

It was kind of freaky actually. I was out from 3 until quarter to 6 and he stayed by my house and in my house for that whole time waiting for me. Stalker much. He doesn't understand. Even when I said, I have work to do, he continued to take off his jacket. I went downstairs and he had cooked himself some food! Cheeky bastard...

I just don't know what to do next. Maybe I'll see what comes round the corner.

On the bright side, my Dad picked me up from Morrisons and I stopped myself from asking him to take me to the chippy. No tea for me tonight, I hope my weight is down tomorrow. Even by a pound. That would bring a little bit of happiness into my dire life at the moment (: