1, 2, 3 ♥

Bugger. I promised this wouldn't turn into a weight blog but look at my last proper post. Oops. Sometimes it just takes over my life and I can't help it. I'm not at my target. I aimed 138 by today but I'm 139. At least I'm in the 130's. I can be thankful for that at least.

Yesterday all I ate was some pringles, advent calender chocolate and soup. I shouldn't have but I can't do I full fast or I'll break down and binge. I was being harsh when I set that target of 300 calories a day until after Saturday. Today is a metabolism day so its eat little and often.

138 tomorrow?

I went for a walk yesterday with the ex. It was quite awkward actually. More than I thought it would be. Plus I was freezing my arse off so I was getting grumpy and my Dad refused to pick me up. I got away with a child ticket on the train though :)

School recently is tedious. I cannot wait until University when I can leave sixth form and this house. It will be really good to have my own space. Not good though to be in debt constantly. That will need some getting useful.

Get Up, Go Out ♥

Nice relaxed weekend over with. Hello stress and worry.

I haven't done any work for English tomorrow and I'm so worried he is going to use it against me. He's warned us that we have to keep on top of things and he has already reported someone in our class to head of sixth form. I'm very worried.

I haven't done any work for the other side of the English course and I have no direction to go in. It's so confusing, I have about half the work that everyone else has and I have no time to catch up. It would be pointless anyway.

All my psychology notes are jumbled and confusing. My exam is in January and I don't even understand the questions that are going to be on the paper, plus I'm missing notes for some of the essay questions. Ready to Fail.

In Psychology today the teacher put us into random groups for research work. I'm with the one person I hate the most in the whole year. That ignorant little cow who's been spreading lies about me. I was thrilled to see this when I walked into the room. Not.

Sociology lessons are pointless. The teachers just rant at us while I soak nothing in. I basically doodle on my paper or play on my phone. This is not going to help me when it comes to exam time as I will have no notes whatsoever.

History is OK. I need to type up my notes and organise my books a bit but I'm not particularly behind in it, I just have trouble remembering some of the work so I need to spend more time on that.

I spoke to head of sixth today regarding my UCAS application. Basically, it's a waste of time applying for one University I put down as I'm not good enough. My first choice might also be a no-go area because my grades may not be good enough. I'm predicted A,A,B,B plus the Welsh Baccalaureate which is equivalent to an A. What more do they want from me?

I also need to arrange some work experience as soon as possible so I can put that on my statement. Experience is essential. Why wasn't I told this before? Like I don't have enough to do at the moment.

I need to start driving lessons and I should be looking through theory stuff if I want to pass as soon as possible!

I have temporarily given up eating while I sort out my work. I've been ranting at my ex-boyfriend whilst letting myself slide further and further down. Time For Action. I'm going to give myself goals and deadlines which I have to stick to. I'll make a new post for that.

This is a tough time for me so fingers crossed I come out on the other side.

Teach Me The Games You Play So Well ♥

I'm finding this motivation thing difficult again. The motivation to do school work comes and goes from me. Recently, I had found it again. Now I'm struggling to sit here and trawl though everything. I wish I hadn't offered to work tonight as well, but that's life. At least it's going to be a short shift, starting at five and finishing at eight. So it could be worse.

I didn't go to school today. I got into an argument with the best friend last night because she believed the lies that's been spreading around about me. I've known her for seven years, and been best friends with her for 4 so you would think she knows me. But her response.

"But she said she was there so I didn't know who to believe."

I wasn't in the mood for school today. I wouldn't have been able to concentrate anyway. I gave my folder to another friend to give in to the office so my work won't be marked as late or anything and my absence is authorised as my mum phoned in for me. Thank you mum.