Went over the boyf's house last night, I get the sneaky feeling he's only after the one thing "/ And I'm seeing "Gary" later today. I've already decided to tell him though that nothing is gonna happen between us, (despite the fact I really like him.) I'm going to make things work with the boyf despite him being obbsessed with his friends and only having time for me when it means laying in bed...
So once again I skipped school yesterday, skipping again today so I can go visit Gary. The bestie clearly isn't happy and refused to give me a lift to his, so train it is lol.
I can't seem to stop munching... I did fine yesterday up until I came home from the boys about 4 this morning and had crisps and chocolate. In fairness I was hungry but why junk? Grrr. Will try and do better today, hopefully will be having too much fun to think about food :) xx
Thursday, 15 April 2010
Tuesday, 13 April 2010
Major update :)
Okay so the last post was basically a lie. I didn't come back at all did I? That was an utter fail. I'm trying again now though, 2 months later. Here's an update...
Me and R were really happy, he was sweet and kind. Problem was we never went out we always stayed in either over his or over mine. Plus he was younger than me, and shorter so I was getting stick of my friends and work friends. Even my dad was laughing. Everyone said it wouldn't last because they thought I was downgrading myself. Eventually I realised they were right, I wasn't really interested in him and the reason I went with him was because he was making the moves and was interested in me. Since I hadn't had much action for a few months guy-wise I thought I couldn't do better.
But then someone else started flirting with me (Lets call him Dave.) Dave worked with me as well, he had a gorgeous body, was cocky and confident, the complete opposite to R. Dave first took me out, took me for food, drinks and the cinema. He made me feel like an adult, I was getting served in places and he was buying me drinks. It felt amazing as he offered to pay for everything. At first I ignored the moves he was making, because of R. But I was falling for Dave and soon I couldn't stop myself. I stayed over his a few times and after one drunken evening down the pub, we almost had sex. Almost.
I remember the one morning he came out the shower and came back into the bedroom in nothing but a towel. Of course I stared. Then after drinking I told him how gorgeous he was and that then he was like, yeah I came back in, in just a towel on purpose. At the time I was excited and happy, now I realise he was completely up himself and I was just feeding his love for himself.
I broke up with R within the next few days because it wasn't fair. I meant to do it a lot sooner, I just couldn't bring myself to it because he was really into me. But as soon as R was out the picture, Dave started acting really off with me, ignoring texts and the offers to go out stopped. One day I just broke down into tears because I realised what had happened. People had warned me he was a cock, a wanker, out for the chase but once he had me he wasn't interested. I was truly gutted because I had fallen for him.
It took me a while to get over him and before I had, the bestie started flirting with him, claiming that he liked her and she wanted to warn me before they got together. Turns out she was doing all the chasing (as usual with the people she goes with) and he wasn't interested at all. In fact, he was moaning that she was annoying with all the constant texts he was getting from her. Although harsh on the best friend, I was happy because I knew she didn't have a chance with him.
This experience turned me into a flirt. One major player. I was flirting with multiple guys, four claimed they had feelings for me but I didn't want to be hurt again. And the list of guys just kept growing. Another guy that the Bestie was flirting with said he liked me, and then the same happened again. She was not happy but I didn't care, I was enjoying the attention. I was loving life, I was always out and never in, even my friends were confused with all the guys names I kept mentioning about who I was going out with that evening. They couldn't keep up.
Then at a house party that I deemed a success because I gained two guys numbers, I started flirting with them. The one I was really interested in seemed a bit boring after a while so I moved on to the other. He was funny and interesting. Kind of a mixture between R and Dave, he had Dave's cockyness and flirtiness without being completely up himself and he could have R's sweetness without the obsessiveness. Not a great looker but he made of for it in personality. I met him a few more times, invited him to a gig, a party then met up with him on his own. Started seeing him. Did everything but sex. He tried but I wasn't gonna go there. Sex is special.
He asked me out then about 2 weeks ago. I was so happy I said yes. Then just before I left for America I had sex with him, because he's not the soppy type like R, I just wanted to remind him I was his and not to see anyone else. When I came back he had changed his fb status to in a relationship. That meant a lot. And last night he said "I'll think of you while your doing work and I'm just sitting watching the telly." I was like yeah yeah.... and he said "I always think of you." That made me happy.
However I'm continuing to be a flirt. The other day I realised I had 8 msn conversations up, everyone was a guy and I was flirting with them all. I've got to stop, I wanna make this work. Right up until I went to America, R was still claiming he loved me. It was really annoying and I eventually endded all contact with him. However being nice I started talking to him again. And when I came back from America I found that he's got a girlfriend. Truly happy for him, until I spoke to his best friend who said that he still says he's in love with me. I've got another problem though.
The bestie introduced me to this guy (I'll call him Gary)and I really really like him. He's told the bestie that he likes me too. He's older again (in his 20's) and he makes me feel really special. However the bestie went mad because she really likes him, but Gary's told her he has no feelings for her. Today they're gone out with two other friends and I was like where's my invitation? And the bestie was like, I want to spend time with him without you. Basically, she doesn't want me and him flirting in her face. But its not fair to deny me seeing him. He asked me out on a date sometime next week. It's defiantly a date because he said I get paid next week so fancy doing something? Alone? And when I said I was skint he said don't worry, he's paying. And I want to make things work with the boyf because I really like him. I'm so confused I don't know what to do so I'm kind of in limbo.
America was amazing, although I thought I could go the whole week without cigarettes and I couldn't. I was in such a ratty mood eventually my friend went and brought me a packet. Oops. But the shopping was amazing and the sight seeing. It just encouraged me even more to want to live there so much.
On top of all this, exams are in a month and a half, I've done no revision and I'm still skipping school. I've been home all day instead of in school. I feel terrible but it's like I'd rather have a life than pass exams and spend another 4 years in uni. I feel like I'm missing out on things that others are doing...
At the moment I weigh 143. I'm going to be losing again now though. I'm back guys. Hopefully for good. I hope your still following me lol although this is probably too long an entry to read. Mainly about guys. Typical me. xxxxxxxx
Me and R were really happy, he was sweet and kind. Problem was we never went out we always stayed in either over his or over mine. Plus he was younger than me, and shorter so I was getting stick of my friends and work friends. Even my dad was laughing. Everyone said it wouldn't last because they thought I was downgrading myself. Eventually I realised they were right, I wasn't really interested in him and the reason I went with him was because he was making the moves and was interested in me. Since I hadn't had much action for a few months guy-wise I thought I couldn't do better.
But then someone else started flirting with me (Lets call him Dave.) Dave worked with me as well, he had a gorgeous body, was cocky and confident, the complete opposite to R. Dave first took me out, took me for food, drinks and the cinema. He made me feel like an adult, I was getting served in places and he was buying me drinks. It felt amazing as he offered to pay for everything. At first I ignored the moves he was making, because of R. But I was falling for Dave and soon I couldn't stop myself. I stayed over his a few times and after one drunken evening down the pub, we almost had sex. Almost.
I remember the one morning he came out the shower and came back into the bedroom in nothing but a towel. Of course I stared. Then after drinking I told him how gorgeous he was and that then he was like, yeah I came back in, in just a towel on purpose. At the time I was excited and happy, now I realise he was completely up himself and I was just feeding his love for himself.
I broke up with R within the next few days because it wasn't fair. I meant to do it a lot sooner, I just couldn't bring myself to it because he was really into me. But as soon as R was out the picture, Dave started acting really off with me, ignoring texts and the offers to go out stopped. One day I just broke down into tears because I realised what had happened. People had warned me he was a cock, a wanker, out for the chase but once he had me he wasn't interested. I was truly gutted because I had fallen for him.
It took me a while to get over him and before I had, the bestie started flirting with him, claiming that he liked her and she wanted to warn me before they got together. Turns out she was doing all the chasing (as usual with the people she goes with) and he wasn't interested at all. In fact, he was moaning that she was annoying with all the constant texts he was getting from her. Although harsh on the best friend, I was happy because I knew she didn't have a chance with him.
This experience turned me into a flirt. One major player. I was flirting with multiple guys, four claimed they had feelings for me but I didn't want to be hurt again. And the list of guys just kept growing. Another guy that the Bestie was flirting with said he liked me, and then the same happened again. She was not happy but I didn't care, I was enjoying the attention. I was loving life, I was always out and never in, even my friends were confused with all the guys names I kept mentioning about who I was going out with that evening. They couldn't keep up.
Then at a house party that I deemed a success because I gained two guys numbers, I started flirting with them. The one I was really interested in seemed a bit boring after a while so I moved on to the other. He was funny and interesting. Kind of a mixture between R and Dave, he had Dave's cockyness and flirtiness without being completely up himself and he could have R's sweetness without the obsessiveness. Not a great looker but he made of for it in personality. I met him a few more times, invited him to a gig, a party then met up with him on his own. Started seeing him. Did everything but sex. He tried but I wasn't gonna go there. Sex is special.
He asked me out then about 2 weeks ago. I was so happy I said yes. Then just before I left for America I had sex with him, because he's not the soppy type like R, I just wanted to remind him I was his and not to see anyone else. When I came back he had changed his fb status to in a relationship. That meant a lot. And last night he said "I'll think of you while your doing work and I'm just sitting watching the telly." I was like yeah yeah.... and he said "I always think of you." That made me happy.
However I'm continuing to be a flirt. The other day I realised I had 8 msn conversations up, everyone was a guy and I was flirting with them all. I've got to stop, I wanna make this work. Right up until I went to America, R was still claiming he loved me. It was really annoying and I eventually endded all contact with him. However being nice I started talking to him again. And when I came back from America I found that he's got a girlfriend. Truly happy for him, until I spoke to his best friend who said that he still says he's in love with me. I've got another problem though.
The bestie introduced me to this guy (I'll call him Gary)and I really really like him. He's told the bestie that he likes me too. He's older again (in his 20's) and he makes me feel really special. However the bestie went mad because she really likes him, but Gary's told her he has no feelings for her. Today they're gone out with two other friends and I was like where's my invitation? And the bestie was like, I want to spend time with him without you. Basically, she doesn't want me and him flirting in her face. But its not fair to deny me seeing him. He asked me out on a date sometime next week. It's defiantly a date because he said I get paid next week so fancy doing something? Alone? And when I said I was skint he said don't worry, he's paying. And I want to make things work with the boyf because I really like him. I'm so confused I don't know what to do so I'm kind of in limbo.
America was amazing, although I thought I could go the whole week without cigarettes and I couldn't. I was in such a ratty mood eventually my friend went and brought me a packet. Oops. But the shopping was amazing and the sight seeing. It just encouraged me even more to want to live there so much.
On top of all this, exams are in a month and a half, I've done no revision and I'm still skipping school. I've been home all day instead of in school. I feel terrible but it's like I'd rather have a life than pass exams and spend another 4 years in uni. I feel like I'm missing out on things that others are doing...
At the moment I weigh 143. I'm going to be losing again now though. I'm back guys. Hopefully for good. I hope your still following me lol although this is probably too long an entry to read. Mainly about guys. Typical me. xxxxxxxx
Wednesday, 3 February 2010
I'm Back
And I'm not going away again. Thank you all so much for your supportive comments on the last post, I love you all :)
I haven't been updating recently because I felt too much like a trator. Me being happy and having the perfect boyfriend, telling me how gorgeous/ beautiful/ stunning I am all the time has led me to be a little... Careless. As a result I have gained a few pounds. Only a few though.
I'm back on the wagon though and I'm going to lose the weight I gained plus more. I'm going to be updating lots more regulary to keep me on track and remind me why I'm doing this. It's not long till the American trip and I don't wanna be buying clothes in size 10 or more. Well, American sizes it would be size 14 or more.
I want to be a minimum of size 8, so I have to put full effort into this. Starting today, Wednesday 3rd Febuary.
Starting weight (Today's weight) 141 pounds.
By Sunday I will be 138 pounds.
I can do this, I've done it before. I'll be catching up on your blogs today as well :) xxx
I haven't been updating recently because I felt too much like a trator. Me being happy and having the perfect boyfriend, telling me how gorgeous/ beautiful/ stunning I am all the time has led me to be a little... Careless. As a result I have gained a few pounds. Only a few though.
I'm back on the wagon though and I'm going to lose the weight I gained plus more. I'm going to be updating lots more regulary to keep me on track and remind me why I'm doing this. It's not long till the American trip and I don't wanna be buying clothes in size 10 or more. Well, American sizes it would be size 14 or more.
I want to be a minimum of size 8, so I have to put full effort into this. Starting today, Wednesday 3rd Febuary.
Starting weight (Today's weight) 141 pounds.
By Sunday I will be 138 pounds.
I can do this, I've done it before. I'll be catching up on your blogs today as well :) xxx
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
It's Been A While
Yeah this updating thing isn't going well is it? Well anyways I have been very very busy and over the moon happy :)
I'm no longer single and yes I love him. He's the sweetest guy ever!! Last week was good, I got asked out, I had other boys flirting with me which boosted my confidence, I spent time with friends, I met up with people who I haven't seen in ages, I spent time with R <3
Now this week isn't going so well. My internet is playing up, my phone broke and I lost all my contacts, R is being iffy about mine and the besties friendship (we are really close and tell each other everything. Well almost :P But he's used to his privacy and he doesn't like the fact I'm reporting back to her all the time. Fair enough.)
Weight I'm still exactly the same. No Gain. No Loss. This is taking effort. My friends just told me she's trying to drop 2 dress sizes by prom and already im using her as competition. This is good, this is more motivation, it just keeps coming. I'm not eating dinner tonight :O
Loving You Me At Six's new album, it's on permanent repeat!! Will recommend it to anyone - "Hold Me Down" Give it a listen :)
Love you all, I'm going to try and catch up with your blogs now as well :) xxx
I'm no longer single and yes I love him. He's the sweetest guy ever!! Last week was good, I got asked out, I had other boys flirting with me which boosted my confidence, I spent time with friends, I met up with people who I haven't seen in ages, I spent time with R <3
Now this week isn't going so well. My internet is playing up, my phone broke and I lost all my contacts, R is being iffy about mine and the besties friendship (we are really close and tell each other everything. Well almost :P But he's used to his privacy and he doesn't like the fact I'm reporting back to her all the time. Fair enough.)
Weight I'm still exactly the same. No Gain. No Loss. This is taking effort. My friends just told me she's trying to drop 2 dress sizes by prom and already im using her as competition. This is good, this is more motivation, it just keeps coming. I'm not eating dinner tonight :O
Loving You Me At Six's new album, it's on permanent repeat!! Will recommend it to anyone - "Hold Me Down" Give it a listen :)
Love you all, I'm going to try and catch up with your blogs now as well :) xxx
Monday, 11 January 2010
Keep Going
New motivation, a friends birthday. Hopefully I can get ID and go to town with them. Theme: slutty fancy dress. Time for some major quick weight loss so I can feel as sexy as the rest of them look. :)
Up To Date
So much for updating regulary, I have been busy though. When I say busy I mean seeing R from work, seriously almost everyday this week when I should have been making the most of no school and revising. We get literally a whole extra week off because of the snow, and yet I have yet to open my psychology folder. I have skipped school today to revise so I'm going to make this quick.
Yes well. Me and R are kind of seeing each other. He doesn't want to go public because his best friend disagrees with us. He thinks its too soon after R split from his ex and the fact his ex still cares about him greatly. R just wants to keep the peace which is fair enough, but in the meantime we're seeing each other secretly.
Everytime he kisses me my heart jolts. Everytime he touches my bare skin my stomach kind of flips. Sounds like cheese but it's true. He says the sweetest things as well, he actually makes me feel good about myself. I love spending all this time with him because when he's with me I feel like I have nothing to worry about.
On the weight side I've started gaining. This always happens when I get into a relationship because I feel so happy. I haven't yet gone back up to 140 pounds though, I'm going to start making a conscious effort again common think motivation.
R is shorter than me and dead skinny meaning he weighs less. I want to sit on his lap without panicing and appologising for my heaviness. I want to be able to feel entirely comfortable with him touching my body. I want to wear better clothes which cling to my body rather than baggy hoodys. I want R to be happy to be seen with me. I want to be happy within my own skin. I want to have a real new york shopping spree.
Now if thats not motivation I don't know what it. Anyways I better hit the books, putting it of is not going to help. Thats one of my new years resolutions. I still haven't posted them on here and its practically the middle of January now. I'll post it later today during a revision break.
Hope your all doing well, I shall catch up on reading your blogs soon no doubt as an excuse not to revise!! Love you all xxx
Yes well. Me and R are kind of seeing each other. He doesn't want to go public because his best friend disagrees with us. He thinks its too soon after R split from his ex and the fact his ex still cares about him greatly. R just wants to keep the peace which is fair enough, but in the meantime we're seeing each other secretly.
Everytime he kisses me my heart jolts. Everytime he touches my bare skin my stomach kind of flips. Sounds like cheese but it's true. He says the sweetest things as well, he actually makes me feel good about myself. I love spending all this time with him because when he's with me I feel like I have nothing to worry about.
On the weight side I've started gaining. This always happens when I get into a relationship because I feel so happy. I haven't yet gone back up to 140 pounds though, I'm going to start making a conscious effort again common think motivation.
R is shorter than me and dead skinny meaning he weighs less. I want to sit on his lap without panicing and appologising for my heaviness. I want to be able to feel entirely comfortable with him touching my body. I want to wear better clothes which cling to my body rather than baggy hoodys. I want R to be happy to be seen with me. I want to be happy within my own skin. I want to have a real new york shopping spree.
Now if thats not motivation I don't know what it. Anyways I better hit the books, putting it of is not going to help. Thats one of my new years resolutions. I still haven't posted them on here and its practically the middle of January now. I'll post it later today during a revision break.
Hope your all doing well, I shall catch up on reading your blogs soon no doubt as an excuse not to revise!! Love you all xxx
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
Monday, 4 January 2010
Right, Lets try and have a catch up since it's been so long since I've posted.
I spent New Years Eve over R's house (that guy from work) There was only us two and his friend there but I didn't want to go to a party because I had work the next day. I had done hungover in work before, it's really not fun!
It was a really good night though, and after some film watching and beating both the boys at guitar hero we started drinking. I then continued to drink, get very drunk and lay on the floor giggling. I fell asleep on laying on R's friend and then woke up to be sick.
They were sweet though, he held my hair back whilst R rubbed my back and held a bowl for me. I was so embarrassed!
I fell back to sleep on his friend but whilst i was semi-conscious I felt his hands all over me, down my jeans, up my top, wandering and there wasn't anything I could do about it. He asked me the next morning what I could remember, I replied nothing after being sick. I didn't know how to deal with it.
I went to work obviously with an enormous hang over and immediately regretting saying I would work it. Double time though and it was a really quiet day so we were basically getting paid over £11 an hour to talk. Not Bad.
Me and R are getting really really close. I know I have feelings for him now, I'm not going to deny it. The problems?
1. It's not half of what I felt for the ex which is why I've been confused.
2. He's shorter than me.
3. He's younger than me.
I'm a typical vain girl and the height and age are real issues for me. If only... He's such a sweet person though, he always tells me how amazing I look and he sent me a really cute email about how amazing I am, and waking up to a hug from me was the best start to a new year possible.
I weighed myself as soon as I got home from work on New Years day so I'm going to say I entered 2010 at 137! I'm going to enter 2011 at 100! I weighed this morning and I was 136.4. Not bad since I haven't been restricting or anything. My eating habits have been messed up due to my sleeping patterns though.
I was supposed to spend today revising and doing homework ready for the first day back to school tomorrow. Instead I have spent the day sleeping, getting ready and I'm going over R's in about half an hour. Boys are such a distraction, I really need to get my but into gear.
Yesterday was good as well though. I went shopping and I caught up with some friends I haven't seen in ages. Bit of a downer that one of them is going to court for possession, but hey. Shouldn't have gotten caught!
It was bad as well though. Hanging out with the old friends brought back old habits. Such as smoking. I don't want to smoke but at the same time I do. Strange. I hadn't smoked in ages either despite the odd craving, then yesterday I had 3 cigarettes to myself, plus multiple puffs from the friends.
R came over after I got dropped back home yesterday. Damn he is in my life so much!
Tomorrow means school, work, and back to restricting. Hello a brand new 2010 me :)I promise to update more xxx
I spent New Years Eve over R's house (that guy from work) There was only us two and his friend there but I didn't want to go to a party because I had work the next day. I had done hungover in work before, it's really not fun!
It was a really good night though, and after some film watching and beating both the boys at guitar hero we started drinking. I then continued to drink, get very drunk and lay on the floor giggling. I fell asleep on laying on R's friend and then woke up to be sick.
They were sweet though, he held my hair back whilst R rubbed my back and held a bowl for me. I was so embarrassed!
I fell back to sleep on his friend but whilst i was semi-conscious I felt his hands all over me, down my jeans, up my top, wandering and there wasn't anything I could do about it. He asked me the next morning what I could remember, I replied nothing after being sick. I didn't know how to deal with it.
I went to work obviously with an enormous hang over and immediately regretting saying I would work it. Double time though and it was a really quiet day so we were basically getting paid over £11 an hour to talk. Not Bad.
Me and R are getting really really close. I know I have feelings for him now, I'm not going to deny it. The problems?
1. It's not half of what I felt for the ex which is why I've been confused.
2. He's shorter than me.
3. He's younger than me.
I'm a typical vain girl and the height and age are real issues for me. If only... He's such a sweet person though, he always tells me how amazing I look and he sent me a really cute email about how amazing I am, and waking up to a hug from me was the best start to a new year possible.
I weighed myself as soon as I got home from work on New Years day so I'm going to say I entered 2010 at 137! I'm going to enter 2011 at 100! I weighed this morning and I was 136.4. Not bad since I haven't been restricting or anything. My eating habits have been messed up due to my sleeping patterns though.
I was supposed to spend today revising and doing homework ready for the first day back to school tomorrow. Instead I have spent the day sleeping, getting ready and I'm going over R's in about half an hour. Boys are such a distraction, I really need to get my but into gear.
Yesterday was good as well though. I went shopping and I caught up with some friends I haven't seen in ages. Bit of a downer that one of them is going to court for possession, but hey. Shouldn't have gotten caught!
It was bad as well though. Hanging out with the old friends brought back old habits. Such as smoking. I don't want to smoke but at the same time I do. Strange. I hadn't smoked in ages either despite the odd craving, then yesterday I had 3 cigarettes to myself, plus multiple puffs from the friends.
R came over after I got dropped back home yesterday. Damn he is in my life so much!
Tomorrow means school, work, and back to restricting. Hello a brand new 2010 me :)I promise to update more xxx
Monday, 28 December 2009
Sunday, 27 December 2009
Someday I'll Have Everything
Christmas was ok. It wasn't the best of course, but it came with the usual. Presents, food and arguments. I had to open the presents from my dad out in the cold because he wasn't allowed in, but he did get me the bestest present ever. A car. Now I just need to learn to drive.
I weighed myself without clothes on for the first time in ages. I haven't gained, but I haven't lost either. Around 138 point something. This I can live with because soon enough I'll be loosing again.
I found out some interesting news after a good gossip with the bestie. Apparently the ex was planning on proposing to me on Christmas day but then we had another argument a week before which stopped him. I'm 17, i don't want to get engaged. Especially to someone who makes me feel so bad.
But then on the other hand, I did love him. But that's in the past now, I'm over him. I think. I've stopped facebook stalking him, I've stopped talking about him and he doesn't enter my thoughts. As often.
Guy from work is very flirty. Maybe I am too. Who am I kidding, of course I am. I think he was getting the wrong idea but we're back on track now. We're good friends and I'm really glad of the company.
I'm back to exercising as from today. I stopped for a while, talking to certain people on msn rather than whipping my butt into action. My priorities are back on track.
Major shopping spree earlier, almost £200. All baggy tops of course but sooner or later I will slide into a size 6 top and smile at my reflection. That is my dream :)
I weighed myself without clothes on for the first time in ages. I haven't gained, but I haven't lost either. Around 138 point something. This I can live with because soon enough I'll be loosing again.
I found out some interesting news after a good gossip with the bestie. Apparently the ex was planning on proposing to me on Christmas day but then we had another argument a week before which stopped him. I'm 17, i don't want to get engaged. Especially to someone who makes me feel so bad.
But then on the other hand, I did love him. But that's in the past now, I'm over him. I think. I've stopped facebook stalking him, I've stopped talking about him and he doesn't enter my thoughts. As often.
Guy from work is very flirty. Maybe I am too. Who am I kidding, of course I am. I think he was getting the wrong idea but we're back on track now. We're good friends and I'm really glad of the company.
I'm back to exercising as from today. I stopped for a while, talking to certain people on msn rather than whipping my butt into action. My priorities are back on track.
Major shopping spree earlier, almost £200. All baggy tops of course but sooner or later I will slide into a size 6 top and smile at my reflection. That is my dream :)
Friday, 25 December 2009
Have A Note..
I have repetitive strain injury from typing too much and I fear my mum is going to ban me from the laptop... Great. Will post about christmas another time, hope you all have lovely days and even if I can't blog, I'll keep reading. Love you all xx
Thursday, 24 December 2009
It's Christmas
Well here (the UK) it's half past twelve so Merry Christmas everyone :)
I always knew the festive period wouldn't be a thin period but I haven't gained much. What i have gained I hope its just due to my period and I should lose it again once I'm off.
I'm looking forward for today though. I haven't been, but today I started feeling a little christmassy and now I can't wait. Today also signals the start of a new me. I've made a list of new years resolutions and I'm going to start them early. I shall post them soon. Plans have been made and I'm sticking to them.
I've noticed how happier I've been without the ex. We shouldn't have continued, we were both unhappy in the relationship and I'm just so glad to be free. I just need to stop facebook stalking him. He's out of my life so I shouldn't feel the need to watch his every move.
I've re-discovered the Plain White T's. I used to listen to them and they were mentioned the other day so I downloaded their albums and I have to say, why did I ever stop listening to them? Amazing!
It's also getting surprisingly easy to eat less. Whereas before food would be in my mind at all times, now i have distractions in the male form. They don't realise it of course, but they are saving me. I thank them for that.
I'll post after Christmas day :) Wishing you all the best and hope you get lovely presents. xxx
I always knew the festive period wouldn't be a thin period but I haven't gained much. What i have gained I hope its just due to my period and I should lose it again once I'm off.
I'm looking forward for today though. I haven't been, but today I started feeling a little christmassy and now I can't wait. Today also signals the start of a new me. I've made a list of new years resolutions and I'm going to start them early. I shall post them soon. Plans have been made and I'm sticking to them.
I've noticed how happier I've been without the ex. We shouldn't have continued, we were both unhappy in the relationship and I'm just so glad to be free. I just need to stop facebook stalking him. He's out of my life so I shouldn't feel the need to watch his every move.
I've re-discovered the Plain White T's. I used to listen to them and they were mentioned the other day so I downloaded their albums and I have to say, why did I ever stop listening to them? Amazing!
It's also getting surprisingly easy to eat less. Whereas before food would be in my mind at all times, now i have distractions in the male form. They don't realise it of course, but they are saving me. I thank them for that.
I'll post after Christmas day :) Wishing you all the best and hope you get lovely presents. xxx
Tuesday, 22 December 2009
So Close To The Edge
I am a mixture and variety of feelings and emotions. I cancelled my work experience. I went yesterday, some was good, most was boring. They don't have much on because it's near Christmas so I asked if another time was more appropriate such as in the Summer. She said "yeah that's fine."
So now i have more free time this week. Lets get the simple things out of the way. Work (not experience) was major boring. You'd think it would be busy, almost being Christmas and everything but no. I'm worried. The shop is sinking and I don't want to go under with it.
Got work again today, just had a shouting match with the sister because she wanted to go shopping and to the cinema but i simply don't have time to do both because I have work later. I wish she'd hurry up and grow up and realise that we have responsibilities in this life.
I gave my sister my old jeans which are too big for me, and it turns out they were too small for her! I know it's cruel but I feel like dancing or something at that thought. She's 4 years younger than me.
Guy from work (R) has been questioning our relationship. He keeps saying, what is this? I agree it is confusing, the amount we flirt anyone would think we were a couple, or at least liked each other. The thing is, I don't see him like that and he's still getting over his ex (maybe I'm still getting over mine?)
Last night we stayed up until 6 in the morning just talking and flirting. We've arranged to go out tomorrow, that should be interesting. He's a good friend and I don't want it to develop into something more.
The other person, P. I can't get him out of my head. I haven't been able to speak to him since (broken phone, lives reasonably far away) so I don't know how he feels. He's one of those people who flirts with anyone who will give some back, you know? I'm worried that's all I am to him.
I used to fancy him, before I got with the ex. At the time he fancied me as well but we didn't know each other well enough to do anything about it. Then I met the ex and... Me and P continued to speak and we've grown closer and closer. I think I'm liking him.
On the other side, i logged in to facebook, went on the ex's profile and he's already changed his status back to single. So that lasted, what? A whole 2 days! Was it worth all the being bitchy to me. No!
Also he's changed him little "about me section" to life is fucked up as usual. Okay, I crave attention sometimes, but he is the biggest sob story ever. At least I don't let the whole world know every time something goes wrong.
I should go talk to the sister. I'm seriously lacking in Christmas gifts and since it's only 3 days away that's something I need to get on top of... Unless my daddy loves me enough to take me places :P
Eating wise it's not good. I'm sure it'll settle down soon though. On the bright side my weight isn't really increasing, just fluctuation between 136-139. Once I'm back on track it should start going down again. :)
And BTW, thank you so much for your comments on my last post, your all lovely and you keep my spirits up :) Love you all xxx
So now i have more free time this week. Lets get the simple things out of the way. Work (not experience) was major boring. You'd think it would be busy, almost being Christmas and everything but no. I'm worried. The shop is sinking and I don't want to go under with it.
Got work again today, just had a shouting match with the sister because she wanted to go shopping and to the cinema but i simply don't have time to do both because I have work later. I wish she'd hurry up and grow up and realise that we have responsibilities in this life.
I gave my sister my old jeans which are too big for me, and it turns out they were too small for her! I know it's cruel but I feel like dancing or something at that thought. She's 4 years younger than me.
Guy from work (R) has been questioning our relationship. He keeps saying, what is this? I agree it is confusing, the amount we flirt anyone would think we were a couple, or at least liked each other. The thing is, I don't see him like that and he's still getting over his ex (maybe I'm still getting over mine?)
Last night we stayed up until 6 in the morning just talking and flirting. We've arranged to go out tomorrow, that should be interesting. He's a good friend and I don't want it to develop into something more.
The other person, P. I can't get him out of my head. I haven't been able to speak to him since (broken phone, lives reasonably far away) so I don't know how he feels. He's one of those people who flirts with anyone who will give some back, you know? I'm worried that's all I am to him.
I used to fancy him, before I got with the ex. At the time he fancied me as well but we didn't know each other well enough to do anything about it. Then I met the ex and... Me and P continued to speak and we've grown closer and closer. I think I'm liking him.
On the other side, i logged in to facebook, went on the ex's profile and he's already changed his status back to single. So that lasted, what? A whole 2 days! Was it worth all the being bitchy to me. No!
Also he's changed him little "about me section" to life is fucked up as usual. Okay, I crave attention sometimes, but he is the biggest sob story ever. At least I don't let the whole world know every time something goes wrong.
I should go talk to the sister. I'm seriously lacking in Christmas gifts and since it's only 3 days away that's something I need to get on top of... Unless my daddy loves me enough to take me places :P
Eating wise it's not good. I'm sure it'll settle down soon though. On the bright side my weight isn't really increasing, just fluctuation between 136-139. Once I'm back on track it should start going down again. :)
And BTW, thank you so much for your comments on my last post, your all lovely and you keep my spirits up :) Love you all xxx
Sunday, 20 December 2009
How Do We Just Move On?
Anyways, so that explanation. Basically the ex removed me as a friend on facebook and set his status as in a relationship. He was only texting me the otherday, saying he had hope. This alone sent me to tears but it got worse...
He set his status to something like "My life is so much better than it was." When his sister commented he went on to say that he had got rid of one bitch in his life and now he's happier, his sister said what her? It's about time...
I cried myself to sleep.
It's selfish though. I don't want to go out with him or anything, but I don't want him to be with anyone else. I feel disgusted that he would even talk about me in that way when only a few days ago he was saying he still loved me. I didn't think it would affect me like this though.
And I'm the one who's supposed to have changed.
I think I'm going the wrong way about it though. I spend the day with best friend and guy friend (um,, P) It was a fun day. Then at another friends house me and P were flirting, and on the drive home we both sat in the back and cuddled up to each other.
I think I'm just attention craving. I'm major flirting with guy from work as well. I got a bit drunk last night just so i had the excuse to be more flirtacious. Uh Oh, I smell trouble.
Working all day tomorrow, and tuesday, and maybe Wednesday as well. Should be a good distraction. I think I need it... :)
Be Beautiful girls xxx
He set his status to something like "My life is so much better than it was." When his sister commented he went on to say that he had got rid of one bitch in his life and now he's happier, his sister said what her? It's about time...
I cried myself to sleep.
It's selfish though. I don't want to go out with him or anything, but I don't want him to be with anyone else. I feel disgusted that he would even talk about me in that way when only a few days ago he was saying he still loved me. I didn't think it would affect me like this though.
And I'm the one who's supposed to have changed.
I think I'm going the wrong way about it though. I spend the day with best friend and guy friend (um,, P) It was a fun day. Then at another friends house me and P were flirting, and on the drive home we both sat in the back and cuddled up to each other.
I think I'm just attention craving. I'm major flirting with guy from work as well. I got a bit drunk last night just so i had the excuse to be more flirtacious. Uh Oh, I smell trouble.
Working all day tomorrow, and tuesday, and maybe Wednesday as well. Should be a good distraction. I think I need it... :)
Be Beautiful girls xxx
Kiss and Tell
I don't feel like eating. Just like getting insanely drunk.
Why is it when relationships end, they turn malicious? I hate Him. Update Later.
Why is it when relationships end, they turn malicious? I hate Him. Update Later.
Friday, 18 December 2009
The Only Exception
First the depressing bit. The scales aren't being particulary friendly at the moment. I know this is my own fault. If I wouldn't abuse my body so much then this wouldn't happen. I'm back up weight wise and I know why. I've been happy recently and I use it as a reason to eat. And eat. And eat.
I work the weight loss tricks best when my mood is low. It gives me something to concentrate on. Something to achieve. Something which would make me happy. Then it all goes downhill again. This cycle is going to stop. Do I want to ruin all the effort I've put it!
Anyway, I got an offer for my first choice university! As long as I achieve my predicted grades at A2, AABB, then I'm going to Cardiff University Baby. Nothing is going to stop me then.
Hmm, this is going to take a bit of work. It'll be worth it. Anything that is worth something takes hard work. That includes this lifestyle I've chosen. Common, think thin and achieve it.
Also I'm getting really close to this boy from work. I don't like him like him or anything but it's nice to have a close friend again. He brings my mood up. I'm constantly texting/ instant messaging him. Other friends are teasing me, saying how I like him. Why isn't it possible to just be friends with a boy?
I work the weight loss tricks best when my mood is low. It gives me something to concentrate on. Something to achieve. Something which would make me happy. Then it all goes downhill again. This cycle is going to stop. Do I want to ruin all the effort I've put it!
Anyway, I got an offer for my first choice university! As long as I achieve my predicted grades at A2, AABB, then I'm going to Cardiff University Baby. Nothing is going to stop me then.
Hmm, this is going to take a bit of work. It'll be worth it. Anything that is worth something takes hard work. That includes this lifestyle I've chosen. Common, think thin and achieve it.
Also I'm getting really close to this boy from work. I don't like him like him or anything but it's nice to have a close friend again. He brings my mood up. I'm constantly texting/ instant messaging him. Other friends are teasing me, saying how I like him. Why isn't it possible to just be friends with a boy?
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
Film The World
What is the point in school if you just come in to watch videos for half the lesson and then leave. Wouldn't it be easier to just cancel the thing so we can have a lie in, and do something productive. Like exercise?
I haven't had a very good fast the last two days. I ate today as well. I still weighed 136.4 this morning so after I've got this eating thing out my system I'll go back to fasting.
It's not even binging. I'm keeping it to less than 1000 calories and I know what I'm doing but it's like, I can't not eat. Strange. It's not normally like this.
Cinema tonight and I'm not expecting to pig out on all the food. I'm eating, almost, normally. Okay, a little less than normally but still. As normal as it gets for me. I'll probably just get a drink.
When I come home I'm going to work my arse of exercising though. That's the plan anyway. I might miss school tomorrow as well, especially if all we are doing is wasting time. Why not start the holidays early?
I got my first university offer! All I need is 260 UCAS points to get in. Easy. I'm predicted 440, 560 if you include the baccalaureate.
I got news from another university too. I'm expected to go for an interview on the 27Th January. This isn't great news. I'm scared already and it's two days before my psych exam which means I have more to prepare for. Just what I need..
I'm offski, hopefully I'll be back on the fasting train soon. This is a blip. Thank you all for your support as well, especially Zephora who called me a thinspiration :) I don't think I'm that. Not yet anyways :P xx
I haven't had a very good fast the last two days. I ate today as well. I still weighed 136.4 this morning so after I've got this eating thing out my system I'll go back to fasting.
It's not even binging. I'm keeping it to less than 1000 calories and I know what I'm doing but it's like, I can't not eat. Strange. It's not normally like this.
Cinema tonight and I'm not expecting to pig out on all the food. I'm eating, almost, normally. Okay, a little less than normally but still. As normal as it gets for me. I'll probably just get a drink.
When I come home I'm going to work my arse of exercising though. That's the plan anyway. I might miss school tomorrow as well, especially if all we are doing is wasting time. Why not start the holidays early?
I got my first university offer! All I need is 260 UCAS points to get in. Easy. I'm predicted 440, 560 if you include the baccalaureate.
I got news from another university too. I'm expected to go for an interview on the 27Th January. This isn't great news. I'm scared already and it's two days before my psych exam which means I have more to prepare for. Just what I need..
I'm offski, hopefully I'll be back on the fasting train soon. This is a blip. Thank you all for your support as well, especially Zephora who called me a thinspiration :) I don't think I'm that. Not yet anyways :P xx
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
You're In Love
This morning I weighed 136.4 lbs. A whole pound since yesterday. The thing is, I've weighed another three times after this and it keeps going up. I'm going to stick with 136.4 though because thats what I weighed immediatly after waking up.
I'm going to make this day productive since I'm not in school. So far it hasn't been sucessful but I'm going to do as much school work as I can until I have to go to work later. It'll help me stay away from the kitchen.
I may have to have something before work though. I'll keep it minimal, soup or maybe some toast. Definatly no chocolate.
Whens Lent? Maybe I could give up food :P
I'm going to make this day productive since I'm not in school. So far it hasn't been sucessful but I'm going to do as much school work as I can until I have to go to work later. It'll help me stay away from the kitchen.
I may have to have something before work though. I'll keep it minimal, soup or maybe some toast. Definatly no chocolate.
Whens Lent? Maybe I could give up food :P
A Little Bit Of Hayley
I was ment to post this last night but the internet went down and I was too tired to do anything about it.
Hayley Williams ♥
NB: This isn't a picture taken at the concert yesterday. I Googled ;)
Monday, 14 December 2009
Paramore & YM@6 ♥ ♥
This morning I weighed 137.4 lbs. So not quite a whole pound lost but it's good enough for after only one day of fasting. I weighed just now as well and At 11.37 at night I still weight, 137.4 lbs. Not Bad.
That Paramore concert was tonight. Paramore and You Me At Six were amazing. I was near the front of the crowd. I was being shoved and elbowed from all sides. Trust me, I am in so much pain right now. But it was worth it.
Waiting in the freezing cold for three hours made my legs go stiff though so I was in pain before I even got in there. Then jumping up and down for about four hours. Let hope some calories were burnt in that process :)
They played a mixture of songs from their new album (Brand New Eyes) and some of their old stuff, which I love. And You Me At Six have got a new album coming out in January. Of course I was screaming the words along with the rest :P
I ate today. Doing so well in my fast, then I go and eat 5 small chocolate bars. I hate Mondays as that's when the food shopping is delievered. That's all I ate though all day, so hopefully tomorrow I will be down again.
No more eating until I weigh 134.
The concert was amazing thinspiration though. Hayley Williams is beautfilly skinny and their music attracts all the skinny emo/ scene kids. Exactually who I wish I could be. It's put me in an amazing mood and I'm even more determnined to loose weight.
I had a bath in the middle of blogging so I'm not so hot and sticky anymore thankfully. No school for me tomorrow, I'm spending the day "recovering." Besides. It's Christmas. The work we are doing is minimal anyways...
That Paramore concert was tonight. Paramore and You Me At Six were amazing. I was near the front of the crowd. I was being shoved and elbowed from all sides. Trust me, I am in so much pain right now. But it was worth it.
Waiting in the freezing cold for three hours made my legs go stiff though so I was in pain before I even got in there. Then jumping up and down for about four hours. Let hope some calories were burnt in that process :)
They played a mixture of songs from their new album (Brand New Eyes) and some of their old stuff, which I love. And You Me At Six have got a new album coming out in January. Of course I was screaming the words along with the rest :P
I ate today. Doing so well in my fast, then I go and eat 5 small chocolate bars. I hate Mondays as that's when the food shopping is delievered. That's all I ate though all day, so hopefully tomorrow I will be down again.
No more eating until I weigh 134.
The concert was amazing thinspiration though. Hayley Williams is beautfilly skinny and their music attracts all the skinny emo/ scene kids. Exactually who I wish I could be. It's put me in an amazing mood and I'm even more determnined to loose weight.
I had a bath in the middle of blogging so I'm not so hot and sticky anymore thankfully. No school for me tomorrow, I'm spending the day "recovering." Besides. It's Christmas. The work we are doing is minimal anyways...
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