We're floating apart. And I don't Like It.

Someday I'll Have Everything

Christmas was ok. It wasn't the best of course, but it came with the usual. Presents, food and arguments. I had to open the presents from my dad out in the cold because he wasn't allowed in, but he did get me the bestest present ever. A car. Now I just need to learn to drive.

I weighed myself without clothes on for the first time in ages. I haven't gained, but I haven't lost either. Around 138 point something. This I can live with because soon enough I'll be loosing again.

I found out some interesting news after a good gossip with the bestie. Apparently the ex was planning on proposing to me on Christmas day but then we had another argument a week before which stopped him. I'm 17, i don't want to get engaged. Especially to someone who makes me feel so bad.

But then on the other hand, I did love him. But that's in the past now, I'm over him. I think. I've stopped facebook stalking him, I've stopped talking about him and he doesn't enter my thoughts. As often.

Guy from work is very flirty. Maybe I am too. Who am I kidding, of course I am. I think he was getting the wrong idea but we're back on track now. We're good friends and I'm really glad of the company.

I'm back to exercising as from today. I stopped for a while, talking to certain people on msn rather than whipping my butt into action. My priorities are back on track.

Major shopping spree earlier, almost £200. All baggy tops of course but sooner or later I will slide into a size 6 top and smile at my reflection. That is my dream :)

Have A Note..

I have repetitive strain injury from typing too much and I fear my mum is going to ban me from the laptop... Great. Will post about christmas another time, hope you all have lovely days and even if I can't blog, I'll keep reading. Love you all xx

It's Christmas

Well here (the UK) it's half past twelve so Merry Christmas everyone :)

I always knew the festive period wouldn't be a thin period but I haven't gained much. What i have gained I hope its just due to my period and I should lose it again once I'm off.

I'm looking forward for today though. I haven't been, but today I started feeling a little christmassy and now I can't wait. Today also signals the start of a new me. I've made a list of new years resolutions and I'm going to start them early. I shall post them soon. Plans have been made and I'm sticking to them.

I've noticed how happier I've been without the ex. We shouldn't have continued, we were both unhappy in the relationship and I'm just so glad to be free. I just need to stop facebook stalking him. He's out of my life so I shouldn't feel the need to watch his every move.

I've re-discovered the Plain White T's. I used to listen to them and they were mentioned the other day so I downloaded their albums and I have to say, why did I ever stop listening to them? Amazing!

It's also getting surprisingly easy to eat less. Whereas before food would be in my mind at all times, now i have distractions in the male form. They don't realise it of course, but they are saving me. I thank them for that.

I'll post after Christmas day :) Wishing you all the best and hope you get lovely presents. xxx

So Close To The Edge

I am a mixture and variety of feelings and emotions. I cancelled my work experience. I went yesterday, some was good, most was boring. They don't have much on because it's near Christmas so I asked if another time was more appropriate such as in the Summer. She said "yeah that's fine."

So now i have more free time this week. Lets get the simple things out of the way. Work (not experience) was major boring. You'd think it would be busy, almost being Christmas and everything but no. I'm worried. The shop is sinking and I don't want to go under with it.

Got work again today, just had a shouting match with the sister because she wanted to go shopping and to the cinema but i simply don't have time to do both because I have work later. I wish she'd hurry up and grow up and realise that we have responsibilities in this life.

I gave my sister my old jeans which are too big for me, and it turns out they were too small for her! I know it's cruel but I feel like dancing or something at that thought. She's 4 years younger than me.

Guy from work (R) has been questioning our relationship. He keeps saying, what is this? I agree it is confusing, the amount we flirt anyone would think we were a couple, or at least liked each other. The thing is, I don't see him like that and he's still getting over his ex (maybe I'm still getting over mine?)

Last night we stayed up until 6 in the morning just talking and flirting. We've arranged to go out tomorrow, that should be interesting. He's a good friend and I don't want it to develop into something more.

The other person, P. I can't get him out of my head. I haven't been able to speak to him since (broken phone, lives reasonably far away) so I don't know how he feels. He's one of those people who flirts with anyone who will give some back, you know? I'm worried that's all I am to him.

I used to fancy him, before I got with the ex. At the time he fancied me as well but we didn't know each other well enough to do anything about it. Then I met the ex and... Me and P continued to speak and we've grown closer and closer. I think I'm liking him.

On the other side, i logged in to facebook, went on the ex's profile and he's already changed his status back to single. So that lasted, what? A whole 2 days! Was it worth all the being bitchy to me. No!

Also he's changed him little "about me section" to life is fucked up as usual. Okay, I crave attention sometimes, but he is the biggest sob story ever. At least I don't let the whole world know every time something goes wrong.

I should go talk to the sister. I'm seriously lacking in Christmas gifts and since it's only 3 days away that's something I need to get on top of... Unless my daddy loves me enough to take me places :P

Eating wise it's not good. I'm sure it'll settle down soon though. On the bright side my weight isn't really increasing, just fluctuation between 136-139. Once I'm back on track it should start going down again. :)

And BTW, thank you so much for your comments on my last post, your all lovely and you keep my spirits up :) Love you all xxx

How Do We Just Move On?

Anyways, so that explanation. Basically the ex removed me as a friend on facebook and set his status as in a relationship. He was only texting me the otherday, saying he had hope. This alone sent me to tears but it got worse...

He set his status to something like "My life is so much better than it was." When his sister commented he went on to say that he had got rid of one bitch in his life and now he's happier, his sister said what her? It's about time...

I cried myself to sleep.

It's selfish though. I don't want to go out with him or anything, but I don't want him to be with anyone else. I feel disgusted that he would even talk about me in that way when only a few days ago he was saying he still loved me. I didn't think it would affect me like this though.

And I'm the one who's supposed to have changed.

I think I'm going the wrong way about it though. I spend the day with best friend and guy friend (um,, P) It was a fun day. Then at another friends house me and P were flirting, and on the drive home we both sat in the back and cuddled up to each other.

I think I'm just attention craving. I'm major flirting with guy from work as well. I got a bit drunk last night just so i had the excuse to be more flirtacious. Uh Oh, I smell trouble.

Working all day tomorrow, and tuesday, and maybe Wednesday as well. Should be a good distraction. I think I need it... :)

Be Beautiful girls xxx

Kiss and Tell

I don't feel like eating. Just like getting insanely drunk.

Why is it when relationships end, they turn malicious? I hate Him. Update Later.